The Unburdened Heart: A Phoenix Rises Through Forgiveness
- Juan Farah
- Apr 20
- 8 min read
Forgiveness. A word that can feel like a mountain – immense, daunting, perhaps even impossible to scale. It's often mistaken for forgetting, condoning, or reconciling. But seen through the eyes of the soul, forgiveness is none of these. It is the courageous act of unchaining ourselves from the crushing weight of past wounds. It is the key that unlocks our own prison, a profound path of inner alchemy that allows the phoenix within each of us to rise from the ashes. This is a story of that journey – through darkness, unlikely awakenings, conscious healing, and the liberating power of forgiveness – offered with the hope that it may ignite a spark of possibility within you.
Why Forgive? Releasing Energetic Chains
From a shamanic perspective, unresolved pain, anger, and resentment from past hurts are more than just memories; they are energetic ties that bind us. Holding onto these grievances keeps us tethered to the past, often locked in a cycle of victimhood, draining our life force. The shaman's path often involves deep soul journeying – travelling into the inner landscapes to retrieve fragmented parts of the self lost to trauma, and consciously cutting energetic cords that no longer serve us.
In this light, forgiveness is a powerful act of energetic release. It doesn't erase the past, but it dissolves the toxic charge around it. As the saying goes, unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. Forgiveness stops the flow of poison within us. Paradoxically, this release can also free the perpetrator from the energetic weight of their actions, allowing for resolution on levels unseen, as we release them from the role they play in our ongoing story of pain.
Wisdom from Ancient Traditions: Echoes of Letting Go
Across cultures and millennia, spiritual traditions have illuminated the path of release:
Buddhist Teachings: Buddhism emphasizes compassion (Metta), not just for others, but crucially for oneself. Understanding suffering (Dukkha) as part of life allows us to see both our own pain and the pain or ignorance that may drive others' harmful actions. Letting go of anger is paramount – the Buddha compared holding onto anger to grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. Forgiveness aligns with the principle of non-attachment, releasing the clinging to injury and aversion.
Taoist Teachings: Taoism speaks of aligning with the Tao – the natural flow and Way of the universe. Like water, which flows around obstacles without resistance, the Taoist ideal encourages yielding and acceptance. Holding onto grievances is a form of resistance that disrupts our inner harmony. Forgiveness, in this sense, is about returning to effortless action (Wu Wei), letting go of the struggle against "what happened" and allowing life's energy to flow freely once more.
Indigenous Wisdom & Ho'oponopono: Many indigenous cultures hold deep wisdom about restoring balance within the individual and the community after harm has occurred. The Hawaiian practice of Ho'oponopono offers a potent tool and philosophy centred around reconciliation and taking responsibility for one's own perceptions. The simple yet profound prayer, "I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you," isn't necessarily directed only at another person. It's often an internal process, acknowledging shared humanity, taking responsibility for one's own feelings and reactions, expressing gratitude for the lessons (however harsh), and returning to a state of love (Aloha) – the ultimate balancer.
My Own Journey: Trauma, Awakening, and a Dream of Release
My path towards understanding forgiveness was carved through intense personal experience. Between the tender ages of two and four, I endured sexual abuse – first by a man my mother trusted within a relationship where she herself suffered physical violence, and later by the children of another partner after we had fled the first situation. The silence imposed by threats – fear for my mother's safety, fear of blame – created a hidden nightmare that persisted for decades, long after the physical acts ceased.
Yet, paradoxically, within the deepest trauma, the first spark of my spiritual awakening ignited. During one instance of abuse, trapped and terrified, an inner voice spoke, asking me to come with it. I felt I couldn't leave my small body. Then, the voice opened a portal in my mind – a shimmering purple light – encouraging me to step through into another world. Hesitantly, I felt myself lift, separating from the physical pain, entering this other realm. Fear lingered – would I find my way back? The voice assured me I would be guided. It was a liberation, an escape route gifted by spirit when no earthly escape existed.
As I grew older, this initial opening manifested in ways I slowly came to understand. I began seeing auras, sensing energies, even tentatively perceiving thoughts – gifts born initially as defence mechanisms, psychic shields to scan for predators before they could harm me again. This heightened sensitivity also forged a profound connection with the natural world. I turned to Mother Earth and Her beings for solace, feeling the wind spirits, communicating with them daily. Lacking a stable, safe biological father figure, I looked to the sky, finding a metaphorical Heavenly Father in the power and presence of thunder and lightning. My mother, bless her, always tried her best to provide stability, but these early experiences became what I now understand as sacred contracts, catalysts for my spiritual unfolding.
Decades passed, carrying the weight of these secrets. Then came the dream. The first man, the primary abuser, appeared with his two sons in their old house – a place sealed in my subconscious. He didn't excuse his actions but apologised for failing as a protective figure and asked for forgiveness, to be released from his psychic "prison." In the dream's potent clarity, I understood and granted it. The scene dissolved, replaced by a bright, modern shopping centre filled with light. He and his sons, free, were gathering items before stepping onto an escalator, ascending into the light. When I shared this with my mother, she confirmed a detail I hadn't consciously recalled: he did have two sons. The dream felt like a seismic shift – a deep, cellular forgiveness had occurred, dissolving the energetic prison I had held him in, and by extension, releasing myself.
The Conscious Path of Healing and Integration
While the dream was a profound gift of release, conscious work was essential to integrate the healing and understand the path I was on. Before my time in the monastery, I received Reiki Initiations, which began opening channels for conscious energy healing.
Then, seeking structure and deeper understanding, I joined a monastic environment from age 19 to 21. There, surrounded by the inspiring stories of compassionate figures like Quan Yin, Buddha, Jesus, and Lao Tzu, I immersed myself in learning about virtues and mindfulness. The simple, focused attention required for daily tasks – sweeping, gardening, cooking, interacting with others – became a powerful practice for releasing my fatigued old self with compassion. It was here I also deeply learned the value of filial piety.
Upon leaving the monastic environment, my journey continued as I joined my mother on the Red Road, learning Indigenous traditions and the profound honour of holding sacred space for others. Serving as a Fire Keeper at Sweat Lodges, participating in Medicine Wheel ceremonies, engaging with the wisdom of Medicine Blankets, Dreamcatchers, and Talking Sticks – these practices offered further layers of healing and connection. It was also during this time, through attending a course, that I fully discovered and began to embrace my gifts of channeling. Each step, each tradition, provided tools and perspectives to integrate the spiritual awakenings born from trauma into a conscious path of service and healing.
The Power of Dreams & the Subconscious
The subconscious mind often works through symbols and narratives in our dreams, offering pathways to integration and healing that bypass the conscious ego's defenses. Both the psychologist Carl Jung and shamanic traditions worldwide recognise dreams as vital sources of wisdom and resolution. Jung saw dreams as compensatory, bringing unconscious material to light to create wholeness. Shamans often journey within dream states to diagnose spiritual ailments and facilitate soul healing. Forgiveness, especially for deep-seated trauma, may not always feel consciously accessible, but as my own dream illustrates, profound resolution can occur in these deeper realms.
While profound shifts can happen spontaneously or in dreams, conscious practices are vital for navigating the path of forgiveness, integrating healing, and building resilience:
Reiki Energy Healing: This gentle yet powerful practice channels Universal Life Force Energy to promote balance and healing on all levels – physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Different systems like Usui, Karuna, Lightarian, Violet Flame, and Platinum Ray Reiki offer unique frequencies and focuses, all aimed at clearing energetic blockages, soothing deep emotional wounds, reducing stress, and fostering a sense of peace and wholeness. Receiving Reiki can significantly support the forgiveness process by helping to release stored pain and trauma held within the body's energy field, allowing for greater compassion and understanding to emerge.
Guided Shadow Work & Journaling: Consciously exploring our disowned parts, triggers, and patterns through guided processes, perhaps within a structured Shadow Journaling Workshop, is crucial for understanding the roots of our pain and integrating lessons learned from difficult experiences. This self-awareness is foundational to authentic forgiveness.
Embodied & Mindful Practices: Gentle, mindful movement like Qi Gong and Tai Chi helps reintegrate mind and body, release tension, and cultivate calm energy flow. Meditation and deep breathing regulate the nervous system. Shamanic tools can further aid in energetic clearing and soul retrieval.
Connecting with Nature: Spending time in nature – Mother Gaia – is profoundly healing. Hiking, simply sitting outdoors, or barefoot grounding (walking or standing barefoot on the earth) helps regulate our energy and reminds us we're part of something larger.
Gratitude: Cultivating gratitude shifts our focus. Gratitude journaling or simply taking moments each day to appreciate the sunrise, the sunset, or small blessings rewires the brain towards positivity and acknowledges the good that exists alongside the pain.
Whispers of Forgiveness: Kahlil Gibran
The poet Kahlil Gibran touched on the deep relationship between pain and understanding, which resonates with the journey towards forgiveness:
"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding... Much of your pain is self-chosen. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within1 you heals your sick self." (From The Prophet)
He also reminds us that even difficult experiences are woven into the larger fabric of life, suggesting an acceptance that can underpin forgiveness.
The Path Forward: Love, Duty, and Co-creation
My journey of healing continues, now intertwined with caring for my beloved mother, who suffered a stroke in October 2024 and requires full-time care. I made the choice to leave my day job to provide this care myself – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually – embracing the value of filial piety learned long ago. This path requires immense strength, patience, and resources.
An Invitation to Connect & Support
As I dedicate myself to my mother's well-being while building my spiritual work through Unity Soul Tarot on YouTube, your support makes a tangible difference. If my journey or insights resonate with you, and you feel called to explore your own path through tarot or healing work, I invite you to book a session with me. Your support directly enables me to continue caring for my mother at home while sharing my gifts with this community.
Visit www.unitysoulalign.com or email juan@unitysoulalign.com to book your session.
Conclusion: An Ambassador of Hope
Forgiveness is rarely a one-time event, especially with deep wounds. It's a spiral path, often revisiting old wounds with new levels of understanding and compassion. It demands courage to face the darkness, both within ourselves and from the past, but the reward is immeasurable: freedom. My life-long ambition is to be an ambassador of hope, love, and forgiveness – to share my story of rising from the ashes, not as a unique feat, but as a testament to the resilient power within the human spirit. If my journey can trigger a doorway of hope for even one person, then sharing it is a sacred duty. May we all find the courage to embark on the path of forgiveness, unburden our hearts, and reclaim the radiant light that is our birthright.
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